Am I valid? If yes, then I am Somebody. If no, then I am Nobody. And if I am valid, for how long? Sound familiar?

Today, we as a society take any kind of validation. It’s so bad that we even try to get strangers to validate us. Our friends and family aren’t enough for us. We need to be popular in order to show others our stature. It’s an empowering feeling. I thought we got over popularity in middle school but that’s clearly not the story. It’s probably human nature to want to be above some people and its comes from the past of probably pushed down.

I never understood it completely. I used to seek validation until two years ago when I stopped for personal reasons. I do what I want to do now and if people want to react to it then go ahead. I also happen to know a handful of people personally who go out of their way to get validation through different methods.

There are apps now where you can get followers, likes, friends, retweets, shares, etc. From complete strangers. Getting a certain number of likes is like an achievement, it shows how many people “seem” to like you and how popular you are. It doesn’t only come from strangers. There is this secret automated trigger/rule/law/expectation that if you like someone’s picture, they should automatically like yours back and if they don’t? Then you won’t like their next picture. We all play this game. Don’t deny it.

Then I get suspicious about how a person can even have that many followers or likes that I look into it. I find myself looking at profiles that are so strange that’s it obvious that they went out of their way*.When I was seeking validation, it was from my friends and school mates because I wanted to be liked by everyone but then it hit me hard, like a bus. That not everyone is going to like you. You either accept that or you go down that route to get strangers to like you and show that off to our social environment who refuse to validate you.

This hits upon a bigger picture with two bubbles. The first being self-worth. The second being, understanding the difference between building a social network of people you actually know versus strangers.

Self-worth comes with honesty and compassion. Your self-worth comes from you not how others define your worth, that’s why it says SELF-worth. You decide how much you want to be worth. You do that with your actions towards others out of selflessness and not by how many people react to your existence. This touches on how not to have expectations from others as well. People’s reaction should be a bonus.

The difference. Again, people are not dumb. We all can tell whether you know all those people or not. Unless you are a celebrity, you don’t know 800+ people personally. Heck, a celebrity doesn’t even know that many people personally. Let’s be real here for a moment, 800+ connections aren’t going to be there when you are in a dilemma. Only 50 of them will be. And as we are irrational humans, we won’t look at how at least 50 people are willing to help us or validate us, we will be disappointed and upset how those 750 other connections didn’t validate us. We don’t appreciate what we get, we cry about what we don’t get. So understand that difference and be happy with what you have.

It might make you happy having that many followers or connections and if it does, great! But if you are lying to yourself, then you know you have a problem that you have to solve. You don’t have to tell anyone about it if you don’t want to. But the worst thing you can do to yourself is lie to yourself. At the end of the day, you are alone and you are you. You control your life and who you are. It’s also an amazing feeling when you know someone more than how you present yourself to the world and believe me when I say these two things. First, it is amazing to be free and not have to wear a mask 24/7 because you chose that you wanted to be someone you’re not. Secondly, you will find someone who will love you even more and validate you truly and there is nothing better in this world when someone loves you for who you really are.

Indian Chameleon’s Obiter Dictum for the Day
Look into that mirror and ask yourself. Do I like me? Is this who I am? Is my goal in life to live for others acceptance or my own? End it with a big fat smile!

* People are not that dumb. This is another lesson I learnt the hard way.