If I never post again, it’s probably because my “Indian” mother has got to me and chained me. I’m kidding, or am I? Okay, fine, I’m kidding. Maybe I should post this when I am in the air, heading back to Boston so she can’t *evil grin* Again, I am kidding.

If you are wondering why such humor on this post, well, I find dating hilarious in today’s world. It’s like I am signing myself up for a comedy show whenever I try my hand at it. On top of that, when it comes to defining the relationship, we are all players of Taboo/Charades. We know the damn words and we know how to act the role but we are like chimpanzees when it comes to guessing.

Yeah, sure, I laugh about it now cause I’ve cried enough about it. That’s a lie, I have only cried over two boys. I mean who hasn’t cried when Tom Hanks runs up the Empire state to Meg Ryan in Sleepless in Seattle and when Leonardo DiCaprio let’s go of the plank (which by the way he could have easily fit onto) with Kate Winslet in the Titanic. (starts singing “My Heart will go on”)

And for my fellow Indians, who are secretly in love with Bollywood movies and simply deny it. Here are the two times I’ve cried over a boy. When Shah Rukh Khan dies in Kal ho na ho, I mean talk about love and having one of them die. Second one is Rab ne bana di Jodi, where the nice guy actually WINS! Go underdogs! (nice guys). Like that dance competition finale, tears running like rivers. Yes, I can get quite filmy and am a sucker for romantic movies. Shush! (goes back to eating my kurkure)

Anyways, I have never been a serious relationship…yet. Haw! Surprise! Yeah yeah drop that sympathetic look off your face,girls and hold your horses, boys. But really, why take it so seriously when we are all merely young adults who should be focused on other things. Such as building ourselves and our lives. Like bruh, your companion is a “secondary character” <– I have read that way too many times cause dating is literally all collegiate sites talk about.

Those of you who are in happy relationships or partnerships or companionship or whatever you are. Congrats to you! Enjoy those glares from us singlettes and singles. But please don’t rub it in our faces with your PDA and cheesiness and your inability to live without each other (You were alive before them and probably will be after them). 50% of the time, it’s bullshit, like seriously? Get over yourselves. (45% of it is jealousy but 55% is just mere disgust, like go exchange saliva in your own premises, the world isn’t your romantic comedy set)

Onwards,  miladies and milords! If you are single and in the dating scene or if you are single and not in the dating scene. Date yourself first then another human. When the time is right, the ONE, shall walk into your life! (I don’t believe that cause I don’t believe in fate and more like if you want something, get it yourself lazy ass) but whatever dude, seriously when we get old, we want someone to be with us. So most of us will end up with someone with a certain level of relationship with them.

But right now enjoy being single, enjoy having the joy of farting, burping and passing gas, enjoy sleeping on your queen bed, enjoy walking around like a wet rat, enjoy being able to change channels, enjoy stuffing your face with that food like a barbarian, enjoy being able to live a non-compromising life, enjoy being able to achieve your dreams! Cause before you know it, you will be 27-28 and time to get married! So Don’t Rush It.

Honestly, anything forced will bounce back and hit in your face so hard, that buddy, no one will want you with that bruised face. Instead of crying about not having someone, look at the perks of being single because when you are tied down, you’ll start wishing to be single again. We always crib about what we don’t have instead of what we do have.

However, if you still want to date around, don’t hold too many expectations, like I said, it’s for fun at least for now and don’t play with anyone’s feelings (be sure about yours). Speaking of fun, don’t mistake it as use and throw, not all guys are assholes and all girls are bitches. Also do me a favor, Indians, don’t sign up for shaadi.com or jeevansaathi.com when you’re 27-28 cause you failed to get someone and tell Aunty ji to back off.

Till then I bid you adieu. Now for my more dramatic exit, Mummmmyyyyy spare me, I did nothing! (Pray that I come out of this alive)

Indian Chameleon’s Obiter Dictum for the Day
Build your castles first then go find your Kings and Queens.