I am officially building a new plan for my life. Again. I don’t know what number it is now. I think I have made about 10 plans and all have gone kaput as you can tell. Let me tell you how frustrating it is to start again. But what’s even worse, is how this is not going to be the last time I am going to be planning a new plan for my life.

We all have been in this boat. We are all so close to giving up. We are so ready to give in and just let something/someone else take control of our lives. We lose hope cause it’s easier. We always compare ourselves and put high expectations for ourselves, which always disappoint us when we don’t perform.

I came to university with a plan. Three months in, my plan changed. New plan. 6 months later, I have a new plan again. 8 months in, I add more to my plate which expands my plan. 12 months in, I take out something of my plate cause I start crashing where then I make a new plan for year 2016. I rode the rollercoaster successfully with small increments of growth after crashing at the end of 2015.

Then year 2017, I had to make a new plan because half way now I am realizing things aren’t going to work out. Let’s see what happens now with my part of my previous plan and now new plan. I am keeping part of it and trying again. It makes me feel lost again. I hate it. It makes me confused just as confused as you must be reading the amount of times I said change and plan.

Whenever things don’t go my way, I feel lost and helpless about my own life. Whenever I lose, I feel like a sore loser who needs so much time to cope up. Whenever I need to reorganize, I become quieter and shut down, which leads to me being anti-social. I suddenly have to figure stuff out and make a new plan, where I regain control of my life. At least 10% of it. Otherwise, I’m like a sulking child walking around.

It’s hard when you feel like you have no control. It’s hard to believe that things will be better and that there is something better out there waiting for us. It’s annoying when you tell people and all they can say are words that don’t mean anything to you in the moment. But when this happens and you start to shut down and you think that you aren’t strong enough to go on. Remember to look at yourself and say “Heck! Time to make another plan”

Fall in love with making plans. Change your perspective about things that aren’t going your way. It’s hard, true, but you can’t give up. In fact, I am trying to take my own advice and god, it is so hard to listen to myself. So it makes the two of us. You can never have control on everything but the one thing you can control is your actions and your vision on how you choose to see the world.

Indian Chameleon’s Obiter Dictum for the Day
Look at yourself and remind yourself how far you have come. Remember how in the past you didn’t think you could make it through but you did. Just like that, be patient with yourself, please.