Yesterday night, I had gone for dinner at my neighbor’s place. They are a couple in their late 60s-early 70s but act like they are in their late 20s-early 30s while holding wisdom that only Oogway would possess. The topic that was being discussed was around how my generation (millennials and gen z) are stuck to their technologies which are destroying the fundamental element of being human – the ability to be social. I have heard this many times before and I have personally engaged in it many times myself.

We don’t make true connections anymore like our parent’s or grandparents’ generation used to make. We don’t. It’s a fact. Everyone is busy with work and being glued to social media, no one goes out of their way to make meaningful connections. We make friends and connections with a motive or a need that needs to be satisfied. Which, is in fact making us lonelier because it’s not genuine, where you feel joy in your soul after.

We are social beings, but we are becoming more and more anti-social. I am currently reading a book called ‘The Book of Joy – lasting happiness in a changing world’ by His Holiness the Dalai Lama, Archbishop Desmond Tutu with Douglas Abrams. In this book, the overarching theme of achieving everlasting joy is when we seek to do good for others. To do that you need to seek out people to build friendships and relationships. However, the big missing puzzle piece for our generation to achieve this is building GENUINE friendships and relationships.

The reason why I say ‘genuine’ is because of two reasons:

1. We have access to a never before mountain of choices which results in two behaviors:
   • creating superficial friendships and on-demand friendships. It’s all about convenience.
   • when things get tough or boring, we would rather walk away instead of working it out because we can just find someone else or choose to be alone, which is an idea only appealing to the clouded mind.
2. Everyone is so busy with work and life that somehow relationships took a backseat and became less of a priority. And there are other avenues for us that distract us from the loneliness feeling like gaming, Netflix, reading, etc. And we continuously seek out these alternatives because they are easier and non-judgemental and require very less effort.

We would rather spend time alone in misery than share our feelings, which is hard to do because it comes off as random and no one wants to be a debby downer, especially if you are socializing after a hiatus. And given the pandemic, the percentage of people who are out doing fun activities is very minuscule. So everyone is pretty much in the same boat, doing the same thing. Plus we love judging ourselves and beating ourselves down even before we even TRY to show ourselves to others. It’s like saying to yourself – what’s the point of going out or socializing if I have nothing interesting to say, I don’t have a life – which then stops you from calling, texting, or going out, turning you into your very own roadblock in your own life.

And just as a disclaimer, I am not saying there is anything wrong with alone time. But there is a difference between alone time and withdrawing from social situations on purpose. The latter is harmful to our well-being.

I get that everyone is busy in other aspects of their lives and fighting their own mental demons but like everything else in life, it takes time and effort to build and maintain relationships and friendships. If we are willing to work our asses off at a 9-5 job or study for our degrees, I think we can spare some time nurturing relationships.

Quite literally too as the title suggests, it takes time to build ships. Is the first thought that comes to your mind when you see a hole in your ship, to jump into the ocean? NO! you are going to do everything you can to fix the hole….ok this might have turned into a confusing analogy but you get the point. 🙂

Indian Chameleon’s Obiter Dictum for the Day (borrowing some wise words)

The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. The grass is greener where you water it.