Expectations. The funny thing about expectations is that we all have them. It’s probably the one thing that unites us all as a species. Even animals in the wild have expectations when it comes to their clan, prey, predators. It’s a natural instinct. If you are reading this and saying, I have low expectations so that I don’t get hurt or blah blah, quit denying it and keep reading.

It’s okay to have expectations like I said its natural. There is no point in going against your natural behavior. You will constantly be at war with yourself and that my friend is no way of living life. I have tried to keep no expectations and I was miserable. But then I was miserable when none of my expectations were fulfilled too.

So one day I sat down and had a conversation with myself. I asked myself, how can I expect from others and myself but not have to fight with myself or feel disappointed for having expectations?

The answer lies in finding the “right” set of expectations. This a balance game. This is a trial and error game. I haven’t figured it out but incrementally I am inching closer. Essentially, don’t have expectations that are so high that they are unattainable by yourself or others.

Lesson #1: No one is like you. And because no one is like you, you cannot expect someone to react, process, act the way you would. The end. 

Most relationships go down the drain because we expect too much out of a person because we would go that extra mile for them. So we sit there confused thinking why won’t they go that extra mile. Which usually leads to going to war with each other. Which leads to losing that other person.

If you must have expectations, then sit down with that person and have a conversation with them so that it is out in the open what can and can’t be expected of each other. As for just new friends or relationships, I would suggest keeping a very simple, generic form of expectations based around honesty, loyalty, and compassion.

Lesson #2: You can fulfill some of the expectations that the third party may have but only if you are growing as an individual or your well-being is being nurtured for better. At the end of the day, it is your responsibility to nurture yourself with/without the help of others. 

Our self-worth shouldn’t come from our family, friends, employers, professors or the world. They don’t determine how much your presence means on this planet. The word “self-worth” says it, itself, that you, yourself, decide the worth. So why did you give that power away to the third party?

What I mean is that, when you come to this planet as a baby, you are expected to do certain things. You are expected to work hard so that you can provide yourself with a sustainable lifestyle so that you’re happy. However, in today’s world, that expectation is constantly being pushed to the last number in the list.

You are expected to go to school, college, work, get A’s, get a Master’s, work for the Big 4 or the new trend is “be an entrepreneur”. That’s for another blog post by the way. I have no problems with these expectations as they are for your well being and happiness but I do have a problem as to the rigidity we have around these expectations.

We are so stubborn about the way we should live our lives and if don’t live it the way society wants us to then we are walking ourselves into Doomville. By the time we are 30, if we don’t have a college degree, a corner office, a car, a house, a family then whoops, you are officially a fuck up. We as a race do not leave room for dynamic ways of living.

Lesson #3: The one expectation you should have for yourself is that whatever you do you are truly happy doing it. Don’t do it to keep the world happy. Do it to keep you happy. Your happiness is the priority. 

Understand that if you don’t follow the conventional manner of living, it is not the end of the world. Don’t copy the goals out of the conventional list of goals that the world has apparently made for you to accomplish. Instead, use it as a tool to help you build your personalized unique goals. Make goals that will keep you happy and won’t make you a slave of your own life.

It’s okay if you don’t have a job at 22/23 right out of college. It’s okay that back in 1987 you didn’t get that MBA, go get it now. It’s okay if you don’t know what you want to do in life when you are in your 3rd year of college. It’s okay.

It’s never too late. It’s only too late when you’re dead.  Make it a goal but only if you want it to be a goal of yours. Don’t let others define your personal success. They don’t know the complete story of yours. Do it for you. And then you can share your benefits with whomever you choose.

Expecting too much for yourself or from others can cause more harm than good. It’s one thing to push someone or yourself to thrive to be the best version but it’s another thing to force someone or yourself in society’s box of “perfect”.

Indian Chameleon’s Obiter Dictum for the Day
At the end of the day, expect from yourselves and others to thrive to be happy. That’s it. Just don’t do it through other’s definition of happy. Get your own.